The Daily Routine

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“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

Jim Rohn

In Jules Verne’s ‘Around the world in eighty days‘, the central character of the book Phileas Fogg would wake up, shave using warm water set at a specific temperature, leave for the Reform club where he would read newspapers, have lunch and play cards with other gentlemen – all at the exact same hour every day.

In fact so fastidious was he in his habits that he wagered that it was possible to go around the world in exactly eighty days. While I’m no Phileas Fogg, I too am a creature of habit and like to follow a set routine which both frees me from fretting about the small stuff and provides me with a sense of security.

Human beings have limited supply of will power at their disposal. So if everyday you have to keep thinking about what time to get up, what to eat for breakfast, what exercises to do, it will simply suck out the energy required to do the other important things in life.

Daily routines have a hugely beneficial effect of providing an order within the chaos of life. If you have an organized morning routine of getting up, attending to important tasks earlier in the day, working out and having a healthy breakfast, it really sets up the rest of the day.

Today there are umpteen self help books touting the benefits of rising at 4am to meditate, exercise, do creative work and everything else under the sun. As with all fads, what is not explained is that not every rule works for everyone. We all are unique individuals with our own personalities, habits and personal situations. So one should follow a routine that is self adjusted and not based on what some billionaire CEO or celebrity is doing.

I like to typically wake up around 7 am and go for my morning walks, I try to walk briskly just short of running and do 4-5 kms. I love listening to audio books on my walks and find it really relaxing. After that I rest for an hour and catch up on newspapers followed by a 30 minute yoga session. I have been experimenting with a 10 minute meditation in the mornings but that’s yet to become a daily habit.

I find that keeping things simple is one of the easier ways to make it permanent. If I try to do too many things or try random things on different days it never works. For me its consistency that is the most important. So I stick to doing the same sequence of things for months on end till it falls into a lasting habit.

Scott Adams the creator of Dilbert says that he believes in Systems vs Goals and even goes on to say that goals are for loosers. He defines ‘system’ as something that you do on a repeatable day to day basis, something which is discrete and measurable. So daily routines very much fall into the systems category.

Eventually, while we can all talk about the 5 year goal far out into the future, it’s what we do today is what really matters. It’s like those small incremental investments that compounds over a period of time.

I had a fanciful goal of writing a blog every day and needless to say it failed spectacularly. I have readjusted my goal now to write 2 blogs a week and do it for the next couple of months. If I can achieve that then I can think about the next goal.

These are some of my learnings in recent months in sticking with a daily routine:

  • Do not crowd your mornings with too many activities, pick up 2-3 things at a time and stick with it.
  • As they say its not about daily progress but progress every day. As long as a general discipline is followed, there should be some leeway built in, you don’t have to go maniacal.
  • Its easy to start something but incredibly difficult to be consistent. Be realistic, set small achievable goals and when you start exceeding them regularly then raise the bar slightly.
  • Do not fall for fads (the 5 am club, keto diets, bullet coffee and their ilk). Build your own rules and stick to them. Its extremely liberating to live by your own set of rules when you can.
  • Be ready to experiment and adjust. One doesn’t have to keep doing something which is clearly not working in the name of routine.
  • Keep things simple so that you are not reaching out for a planner where every next minute is planned.
  • Lastly, build off days into your schedule where you don’t have to follow a routine, take that sat or sun off and do what you like. Afterall we are humans not machines.

As they say we become what we repeatedly do. Keep going!

High Strung

That’s the funny thing about tennis points, and games: They may be awe-inspiring at the moment, but then – except for the videotape, which really tells only a bit of the story – the moment is gone. They’re like poetry on water.

John McEnroe
Borg Vs McEnroe

I’ve always had a great fascination for tennis though I’ve held a racquet in my hands only a few times. My love affair with this beautiful game started in the early eighties. Those were the days of Borg, McEnroe, Connors and Lendl.

I remember reading about these legends of the game from sports magazines as TV wasn’t a household commodity in India of the early eighties. The first few games I saw on TV were the Wimbledon of 1985-86 which were won consecutively by a freckled teenaged Boris Becker. In the later years Boris Becker and Stefan Edberg would play several epic matches on center court.

I was always rooting for the quite and reserved Edberg whose personality was a contrast to the more volatile Becker. I’ve always been a big fan of John McEnroe specially enjoying all his verbal volleys at the linesmen and chair umpires. Who can forget his “You just cannot be serious” outburst!!

You cannot be Serious!

Recently I chanced upon a book “High Strung” written by Stephen Tignor a sports journalist. It’s about the epic rivalry between McEnroe and Borg. Borg first burst upon the scene in the mid seventies and ruled tennis specially wimbledon wining five consecutive tournaments between 76-80.

McEnroe came of age in the early eighties and his rise coincided with the shockingly premature exit of Borg from the game at 26. Both were complete opposites in demeanor and personality. Borg was the silent assasin who rarely showed any emotion on the court. He was famous for winning games by putting just one more ball across the net than his opponent.

John McEnroe was an artist with the racquet but given to wild bouts of anger on the court. Infact the media of the day went to town about his bad boy image wherever he played. However watching the wonderful videos of those iconic games on youtube, I can say that mostly his anger was justified as more often than not he was at the receiving end of some absolutely lame calls.

The 1980 Winbledon final between the two is often quoted as the greatest game of tennis ever played. What adds even more depth to the rivalry is that McEnroe while lampooning just about everyone else had the greatest respect for Borg. Infact when Borg shockingly quit at 26, his game was also effected.

Borg often called “Iceborg” for his unflinching temprament ironically got burnt out playing under the pressures of being the top dog and when he lost at the US open finals to McEnroe in 1981, he just could’nt take the defeat. He stormed out of the court skipping the prize ceremony and never returned to professional tennis again.

Tennis like cricket and football was ruled by the British aristocrats and clubs in the earlier years. Infact for a long time it was even considered a sin to get paid for playing. Borg was the first superstar of the new professional age of tennis along with other greats like Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe.

It’s amazing to think how brilliant these legends were with the wooden racquets of the age. Infact their serve and volley game was more artisry and a treat for the spectators. Things changed drastically with the introduction of lighter, bigger and far superior racquets in the later years and coincided with better coaching, fitness and mega money coming into the sport.

2020 has been a disaster for all sporting events including tennis. June was synonymous with Wimbledon and hopefully next year we will see the mdern day gladiators back in action. But this lull made me revisit my earliest memories and watching old youtube videos made me nostalgic for the eighties. Maybe I’m just getting old!

A New Workplace

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Work from home has gone mainstream as the dread of a menacing virus has shunted businesses in. The internet is replete nowadays with the pros and cons of workig remotely, of parents, kids and pets huddled around laptops and ipads as workplaces and homes merge blurring boundaries. Dining tables, couches and the ubiquotous Zoom video conferencing have speedily replaced the work stations and conference rooms at work.

While wfh is not a new concept by any means, it’s the first time it has gone mainstream albeit as an emergency response. For far too long we have been subjected to typical corporate brainwashing -about how open offices promote collaboration, of how a chance encounter at the water cooler leads to that million dollar idea and other convenient lies.

In industries like information technology where the raw material is knowledge and tech skills, it’s ironical that over collaboration and distraction filled open offices are touted as the norm. One could argue that home is hardly a distraction free workplace, yet with a little discipline and time management it can be a much more productive alternative.

Organizations are discovering that generally productivity has increased across the board as people are freed up from mindless commuting and the pressure to manage physically seperated homes and work spaces. It’s a win win in my mind for both employees and companies.

Of course the skeptics scoff and complain endlessly about the same rant of missing collaboration, going over to a colleague’s desk, face to face meetings or the managers losing control of their fiefdoms. Truth is that none of these are unsurmountable and it’s in human nature to adapt. We’ve been doing it for thousands of years now to survive.

Another interesting concept that takes an even broader view is “work from anywhere” which gives people the freedom to work from home, offices, coworking facilities, cafes, in short anywhere they want to work from. The idea is attractive but will take a while to hit critical mass. I hope it does.

There are already several companies that are thinking ahead and revisting their humongous real estate costs. Infact many have already announced plans to either go completely remote or enable a significant portion of their employees to wfh thereby reducing costs.

If we look back over the last few months everything that was once thought improbable has quickly become a reality. Interviews , hiring and onboarding have gone fully remote as have conferences, classroom trainings, leadership sessions and everything else that once required mandatory physical presence.

While its true that not every job can be performed remotely, there are a large number of others that easily can and all of us working remotely over last three months are a testimony to the fact. The question whether someone likes to wfh or office is a more personal one and not neccesarily an indicator of effectiveness of the model.

Sharing a few things that have been working for me:

  • Have a separate work area and work from the same place as far as possible
  • Manintain consistent work hours
  • Take breaks as you would at work and dont forget to hydrate, building planned breaks into your schedule is a great idea
  • Invest in a good quality chair and desk. Even outside of wfh arrangements, every home should have a distraction free area to sit and think. Believe me its a valuable investment.
  • Invest in good quality routers, mesh routers, laptops, phone stands, mouse and pads with hand rests, keyboards and monitors. Many organizations even reimburse their employees for initial setups.
  • Saving on commute time frees up the mornings which can be used for fitness – Meditate, jog, run, walk, do yoga but do use the time to get out of the house and get some fresh air. I like to combine my walks with listening to audio books and its a great way to start the day.
  • Now that you are home, mealtimes and household chores also need to be worked into the calendar. A little planning goes a long way in establishing a feeling of control.
  • Use the leisure for hobbies – writing, music, learning a new language or whatever strikes your fancy. It will keep you interested in life outside of work.
  • Last but not the least, self introspect. Maybe this time of adversity can open new doors for the future.

Life in the Times of Virus

In fact, biology is chaos. Biological systems are the product not of logic but of evolution, an inelegant process. Life does not choose the logically best design to meet a new situation. It adapts what already exists…The result, unlike the clean straight lines of logic, is often irregular, messy.” – 1918 – The Great Influenza

Last few months have been a unique experience. Like most of us, I have never experienced something like this. Almost the entire world was hustled indoors in a space of few weeks. For me it began in mid march when we were told to mandatorily work from home and most of the public places in the city were shut down.

Initially it felt like all this was an overreaction and that it would be over in a few weeks. As time progressed and we all settled down into our new normals, reality dawned that there was no getting away from nature. Every morning I would avidly follow the infection rates in my city and all over the world.

Now as we near mid June it’s still far from over. Viruses follow the SIR curve – Susceptible, Infected and Recovered – the three sectors of the population groups. It remains to be seen how long this virus continues to ravage before weakening and hopefully becoming something we can live with.

As an introvert and someone who enjoys solitude, the isolation was not particularly disturbing to me. I found myself settling into a routine of working, reading and doing household chores. In the initial months the lockdown here in India was quite stringent so even something like walking or jogging within the apartment complex was prohibited.

That was one thing I sorely missed as I like to start my mornings with going on long walks listening to an audio book. This continued for almost 2 months till early may when the rules were somewhat relaxed and we could go out with a mask.

Now in June almost everything except schools and offices is open though the numbers continue to mount. The lockdown did slow down the spread but now it appears to be galloping again which is scary.

Governments have hard decisions to make, you can’t be closing down entire nations as the economic and other logistic factors are literally unsurmountable. At the same time, opening up public places means leaving things to basically the self discipline of citizens.

Schools are particularly risky places as are workplaces. Schools and students are adjusting to the new normal of online classes which seem to be the best bet for now. Online education is here to stay though at all levels.

There’s a lot of talk about how video conferencing is not the same as in person meetings which is extremely exaggerated. It’s more of a question of adjusting than efficiency. With advances in internet bandwidths and modern communication technologies, there’s no reason why a zoom call cannot replace a meeting for which you have to travel half way across the world.

The other silver lining I see is the whole hogwash around what I call forced collaboration. Companies built this mammoth open offices with scant respect for personal space and privacy. The hot shot MBAs came up with catchy jargons like “high performance” work spaces for what was primarily a huge cost saving measure.

Quite fittingly this virus has completely decimated the insane collaboration culture. Now companies are going to the other extreme erecting plexi glass facades and forced space between workstations. Well, farces can live only for so long.

There is also a lot of talk around how this all is going to permanently alter the way we live and work. I do not subscribe to this view as I believe any change that is driven by fear is not lasting. The more likely thing to happen is that once a vaccine is available or the virus strain has sufficiently weakened or some much awaited herd immunity has kicked in people are much more likely to go back to old ways.

Change is hard and unless it comes from within its unlikely to last. I’ve read two books around contagions and found both riveting. I was stunned to find out how similar the effect of this epidemic has been despite the multitude of advances in medicine. We are as hopeless as we were in the days of the 1918 influenza.

Here are two books that I highly recommend for those who like to compulsively stay out of inane whatsapp forwards and bizarre news reporting.

The Rules of Contagion: Why Things Spread – and Why They Stop

The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History

Life in the forties

“All three are hip-deep in midlife, when the eyes go and the waistline spreads and the city on the hill that shone so brightly in youth turns out to be more like a semi-incorporated town in the middle of a garbage strike. An age when a person can feel not so much himself as an inexplicably inferior version of himself.”

I sometimes get startled that I’m firmly in my mid forties now, a fact that is both humbling and mind numbing at the same time. I’m no longer young and I am not exactly a senior yet which puts me in the middle of nowhere zone.

My student years in the nineties seem so far away already and the green horn years of the new millennium have also started to recede into my personal history. There was a time when the nineties were considered the new age – people from my generation can relate to phrases like “star of the nineties” or the “beckoning of the 21st century”. Well, all that already has a layer of the sands of time over it.

Forties are infamous for the proverbial “midlife crisis” – a sobering decline into reality from the heady optimism of youth. On the positive side, I find that I can understand and weigh things a lot better – probably my thinking tempered by real life experiences. And yet, I’m fully aware that the older you grow, the more things you have to leave behind, its a circle of life.

I’ve been chained to a cubicle for over 20 years now. Well, its no longer even a cubicle.That has been replaced by what is commonly referred to as open plan seating. The MBAs have created a fancy term for this called “high performance workspaces” – something which fosters teamwork and collaboration. This deserves a post in itself so I would limit my rants on it for the time being.

Like many people of my generation in India, I was part of the herd – having to chose between Engineering and Medical. Anything outside of these was considered risky and frivolous. I always loved the sciences but also enjoyed the languages and particularly history.

Anyhow I underwent the raging fires of competitive examinations in India and got a bachelors in Electrical Engineering. This was followed by the typical foray into the burgeoning IT industry where the jobs were. Today there’s a lot of emphasis on loving what you do or choosing a career where you have “passion’.

I always looked at my job as something that gave me enough resources to enjoy the good things in life and I’m grateful for that. Though I don’t really spend my free time thinking about work or all the related political circus one has to perform to survive. I spend most of my time outside work reading and writing.

At this stage of my life, the responsibilities are also at their peak. Like everyone else we are resigned to the mortgage, children’s education and other myriad responsibilities. No one told us of all these things when we were young and thought adults were the ones bossing around kids and having the most fun!

Years ago I watched a movie “About Schmidt” where Jack Nicholson plays the protagonist. He’s old and about to retire having spent most of his working life in an insurance company in Omaha, Nebraska. Its a favorite of mine with several heartbreaking scenes blended with dark humor.

Incidentally, I too spent a couple of years in Omaha but that is besides the point. There was one quote in the movie which went – “I know we’re all pretty small in the big scheme of things, and I suppose the most you can hope for is to make some kind of difference, but what kind of difference have I made? What in the world is better because of me?”

It seems scary that I was supposed to feel like this nearing my retirement but I’m already having these thoughts in my forties!. The desire to break the mould and do something I love like writing is strong and hence this blog as a minuscule attempt towards breaking the general monotony of daily life.

I know these feelings are universal and unrelated to where you live or what you do though responses and solutions out of this rut of midlife can be different and creative. Obviously there are no quick fixes as anything worthwhile needs hard work and time to grow. It’s foolhardy and suicidal to just start afresh without any planning or direction.

I would love to hear thoughts from anyone reading this on how to make life more meaningful and worth living while trying to balance everything else life has thrown at you by this age.




Cricket – The National Obsession

Cricket is a most precarious profession; it is called a team game but, in fact, no one is so lonely as a batsman facing a bowler supported by ten fieldsmen and observed by two umpires to ensure that his error does not go unpunished”     

India is cricket crazy and justifiably so. Nothing unites us like this sport – from youngsters to middle aged professionals to senior citizens, everyone seems to have a strong opinion on the national team’s performance.

My earliest memories of watching the game go way back to 1984 to the test match against England when a young lanky Azhar made his test debut. He scored a century and followed it up with two more successive hundreds in the next two tests, a record that still stands.

I do not remember the India’s improbable triumph at the 83 Prudential World Cup as I started following cricket a year or so after that. The early eighties were a different world with TV still a few years away. Radio commentary would be how most fans followed the game in those years.

The game itself was nothing like the modern version it has evolved into. It was played in all whites including the one dayers which had already become hugely popular. The pace was lethargic compared to today and there used to be a ‘rest day’ in test matches.

The cricketers were revered even in those days and in the absence of a 24×7 media and internet the appeal was probably even more. There was no big money involved though I guess test cricketers in India were well paid and were often sponsored by the big public sector firms where they also held honorary positions.

The first few matches I saw on TV were from the 1985 Benson& Hedges world championship of cricket in Australia. It was also the first time when the teams played in colored clothing and with a white ball. The channel 9 coverage was outstanding and backed by a legendary commentary team of Richie Benaud, Bill Lawry and others it made the viewing riveting.

From then on I would wait eagerly for the games which were played in Australia though the time zone difference meant that you had to get up very early in the morning to catch the games but it was well worth it. I have nostalgic memories of watching cricket early in winter mornings wrapped in a warm blanket!

The big names of that era – Gavaskar, Kapil, Amarnath, Botham, Hadlee, Imran, Viv Richards were all house hold names and larger than life figures. I remember watching the test match where Gavaskar completed 10,000 test runs. It was the cricket equivalent of being the first man on the Everest.

By the time the 1987 Reliance World Cup came around, TV coverage had picked up in India and the expectations were huge as the tournament was being held in the subcontinent. India advanced expectedly in the opening games and there were a few stand out moments – Chetan Sharma took the first hat trick in a World Cup and Gavaskar scored his only ODI century – a totally uncharacteristic  fast paced innings against the Kiwis at Nagpur. The build up to the semi final was charged but then it was a heart breaking moment for all of us when Mike Gatting caught Kapil in the deep dashing India’s hopes.

Sharjah with its high voltage India Pakistan games created a fervor of its own. Two matches stand out during that era – the infamous last ball six which remained in the national psyche for years and the other more pleasant memory of bundling Pak out for 82 when they were chasing a paltry 125 to win!

Of course later the games were one sided and ultimately abandoned as suspicions of match fixing grew. The 90s were a miserable time to be a cricket fan in India. It was mostly Sachin Vs the opposition and it continued on till the Ganguly,Dravid,Laxman and later Sehwag came on to the scene.

The early 2000s were a time of transition and the 2001 historic win at the Eden Gardens against the all conquering Aussies finally reversed the tide in India’s favor. Though World Cup still proved elusive, India almost made it in 2003 before it all unravelled in the finals against Australia.

The advent of IPL in 2008 has completely turned around the way the game is watched today, its become a money spinning American sport like NBA or NFL. Though personally I find IPL too repetitive. There are just too many matches and its difficult to keep track of which players are on which team as they keep moving around each year.

I still enjoy the India games more, the emotions invested with the national team are a lot more. It was finally in 2011 that we won the World Cup again after a long wait of 28 years. The final was nerve wracking specially after both Sachin and Sehwag fell cheaply. However Gautam Gambhir followed by MS Dhoni carried the day leading the team to a memorable win.

The first time I watched a match live at the ground was a test match against Australia in Bangalore in 2004-05. I was giddy with excitement as I entered the ground and took my seat. It was nothing like you watch on TV, the entire experience felt surreal. Mcgrath came charging in and bowled and the ball went like a bullet. And I thought he was only medium pace, I remember that Gilchrist was standing way back!

I watched another test match in Bangalore this time against the visiting Pakistan team and it was an amazing experience too. Unfortunately we ended up losing both the games I watched from the ground.

I prefer to watch from the comforts of home listening to what the experts have to opine.The generation I grew up watching in the eighties have all long retired from the game and the stars from my own generation – Sachin, Dravid,Ganguly,Kumble,Sehwag have also retired in the last couple of years.

But that’s the circle of life, the game is bigger than the players and it stays still keeping the fans engrossed. Cricket has given me lots of memories and often certain games remind me of the time and place I was in my own life. In that sense the personal connect still endures.


Troubled Genius

“No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.”

I love reading memoirs because they take me inside the life of someone in a different place and age. Last year I read “The man who knew infinity” by Robert Kanigel. It’s a biography of Srinivas Ramanujan – the mystical mathematical genius. Then earlier this year I read “A beautiful mind” by Sylvia Nasser – a biography of mathematician and Nobel laureate John Nash.

There have been famous movies made on both these books and though they only scratch at the surface, they did a decent job at popularizing two geniuses whose work is mostly abstract and difficult to comprehend for laymen.

Ramanujan’s story begins in a remote South Indian village where despite poverty he discovers surprising joy in mathematics. He scribbles equations in a slate suspended in some kind of a meditation. He has trouble with school authorities where there is no one to understand his precocious talents.

Often he skips the details and jumps straight to the answer and when asked how he got it, he is unable to write down the steps for the “proof”. He tries to explain that his answer is correct, he just knows it, in fact “it came to him”. South India of the mid 1900s was no place for such an eccentric genius.

The only person who believes in him is his doting mother. Ramanujan is discouraged, mocked and often ridiculed by the establishment because they have never seen someone like him. They are unable to comprehend his incredible talents. Eventually he sends his hastily written theorems to GH Hardy the famed English mathematician.

At first Hardy just throws the envelope aside not taking it seriously. The odds seem staggering – an unknown man from India with no degrees or credentials to his name writing to the pre-eminent mathematician of the age at Cambridge and claiming that these are all theorems he has discovered.

When Hardy finally starts pouring over Ramanujan’s work, he is simply astounded. Ramanujan in his characteristic style has offered no rigorous proofs but the symmetry and beauty of the work is unmistakable. Hardy later said he knew it was all true, the equations were of such spell binding beauty that no one could have just manufactured them. They had to be true!

Hardy begins a series of now famous correspondence with Ramanujan asking questions, looking for more material and it goes back and forth till he asks Ramanujan to join him in Cambridge. Despite the odds, Ramanujan makes the perilous journey across the seas and begins one of the most remarkable partnerships in the history of mathematics,

Hardy is vindicated as Ramanujan routinely turns in work of the highest caliber. He is even awarded a doctorate though his work surpasses all realms of degrees handed by institutions. This is when tragedy strikes, the English weather and poor diet has a terrible impact on Ramanujan’s health.

Deeply religious and having lived most of his life in tropical lands, he is unable to come to terms with the infamous English chill. The lack of vegetarian food, family and the depressing weather have a compounding effect on him. His few friends and Hardy try their best to get him treatment but nothing works.

By the time Ramanujan returns to India he is in extremely poor health and suffering from tuberculosis. Despite his rapidly falling health he continues to churn out brilliant work, scribbling equations and theorems to the end of his days. In a heartbreaking finale, Ramanujan passes away in his early thirties having accomplished what most gifted mathematicians would not even in multiple lifetimes.

Such is the legacy of his work that today there are “Ramanujan Scholars” who are still grappling with the enormous task of proving his theorems. Ramanujan’s life very much reads like a greek tragedy. Hardy had this to say in his famous ‘A mathematician’s apology’ – “I still say to myself when I am depressed, and find myself forced to listen to pompous and tiresome people, ‘Well, I have done one thing you could never have done, and that is to have collaborated with both Littlewood and Ramanujan on something like equal terms.”

John Nash burst onto popular consciousness after “A beautiful mind” starring Russel Crowe was released in 2001 and received critical acclaim. Nash had been awarded the Nobel prize in 1994 for his seminal work in Game theory.

The movie was loosely based on Sylvia Nasser’s book by the same name. John grew up in West Virginia and displayed precocious mathematical ability. He had a rebellious anti establishment streak in him and was obsessed with originality.

By the time he was a student at MIT and later at Princeton, he had morphed into a kind of abrasive, arrogant personality with wild mood swings. By this time he had already established himself as a genius in the eyes of his professors and peers. Nash’s recommendation letter for Princeton simply read – “He’s a mathematical genius”.

However all wasn’t well within the confines of his turbulent mind. After he had done his now famous work on game theory which later found applications in economics and stock markets and led to the Nobel prize, he slowly receded into devastating mental illness. He was diagnosed to be suffering from Schizophrenia.

The character that viewers saw Russel Crowe playing in the movie was heavily romantized true to Hollywood conventions. The movie did succeed in showing his struggles against mental illness and then using his will to overpower them but it left so many details from his real life unexplored.

John Nash wasn’t an easy person to live with. He had an affair with a nurse named Eleanor with whom he had a love child. He was extremely mean to both of them and denied fatherhood. Later he married Alicia who was one of his students at Princeton.

Alicia stood by John even though she had divorced him briefly. However they later remarried and John after years of mental trauma was able to surmount schizophrenia. Towards his later life he reunited with his elder son and famously  became a Nobel laureate.

Compared to Ramanujan, his life came around and despite his struggles he eventually had a good life and family. As his character says in the memorable last scene in his Nobel acceptance speech – “~ I’ve made the most important discovery of my life. It’s only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I’m only here tonight because of you. You’re the only reason I am…you’re all my reasons.~”

History is replete with geniuses who had a very difficult life or for whom life was mercilessly cut short. Alan Turing probably one of the greatest minds ever and widely considered the father of modern computer science committed suicide by eating a cyanide laced apple. He was also young and in his thirties.

The unforgiving conservative world of the 1940s and 50s didn’t take kindly of his sexual deviations and he was put to trial and extremely vilified in what would be possibly considered as violation of every human right today.

I often wonder why the fate of such great geniuses who contributed so much in such short time was so brutal. They suffered so much either due to illness or by being castigated by powers that be.

But despite that, their exceptional genius glittered and mesmerized the world in the short time that they were here.



“Introverts like being introverts. We are drawn to ideas, we are passionate observers, and for us, solitude is rich and generative”   

Some years ago I came across Susan Cain’s book “Quiet”. It talked about introversion in a very encouraging and insightful manner. Mostly introversion is looked down upon in the society. Right from childhood we are conditioned to believe that one needs to be outgoing and sociable to succeed in the world.

The way introverts were portrayed in schools, workplaces and even at home seemed like a character assassination to me. As a child I was reserved and loved books though I never had trouble making friends. I hated social occasions and crowds. As I grew up I discovered that I was very comfortable in small groups and could make good conversation with strangers.

But I knew I wasn’t someone who was the life of a party or who always wanted people around. On the contrary, I liked calm, meaningful discussions. So I knew I leaned more towards introversion on the social scale. It’s both impossible and futile to put labels around people to describe their unique and complex reactions to the world around them.

Introversion is often confused with shyness. I have no problems in starting a conversation around a table of strangers but I might not be the one to take the initiative always. I detest mundane small talk but can talk for hours on something that interests me. All of which are labelled as classic introvert traits.

In my mid forties I have started to understand myself a lot better. I have found that despite the social pressures to conform, being authentic to yourself is something I find most genuine and easy. I no longer go out of my way to be someone I’m not. Instead I find that I’m more at peace taking that solitary walk or reading a book.

In the corporate world, introverts suffer often. They are discouraged with banal comments like “low energy” , aloof or even arrogant at times. This despite the fact that they are excelling at their jobs and have the respect of their peers. I have never understood the compulsion to make everyone a “high energy” ,loud cheerleader.

Modern offices with their open area seating plans are a disaster for introverts. It feels like being in the middle of an endless din throughout the day. I like to take few walking breaks to keep myself sane. These workplaces touted for maximizing productivity often achieve quite the opposite result.

As unique beings all of us have certain quirks, idiosyncrasies and behaviors rooted in genetic and environmental causes. It’s impossible to club these myriad behaviors in a person and call them an introvert or an extrovert. But then that’s the way the world sees us.

I believe respect for individuality should be paramount. Live and let live.





“True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing” – Socrates

Like most people of my generation, I grew up confusing education with the relentless march of examinations and grades. As a student I was diligent and hard working not particularly bright. I had some bad academic years in middle school but eventually performed quite well in the examinations that ‘mattered’.

By the time I made it to College, I found that I had become numb to things like exams, tutorials, grades – the stuff of academic life. I always loved learning new things but the way they were presented in textbooks and  the unwavering drone of professors made me feel completely inadequate.

Despite my good grades, I never felt I truly understood something from the basic principles. Mostly all I remembered after years of schooling and four years of engineering education were disjoint facts and big names and even those I started to forget as I began my professional life.

For some reason this always bothered me, it made me look at myself as a fake and I wanted to do something about it. One of the books I fortunately chanced upon early were the Feynman Lectures in Physics. Of course I have only read parts of it but it opened up a new way of seeing things.

For the first time I figured out what does it mean to say something is true within a framework where we have to first assume that certain fundamental truths hold good.Feynman’s engaging style and his complete abhorrence for big words reignited the joy of learning for knowledge’s sake.

One of his childhood anecdotes where his friend asks him the name of a bird and when Feynman is unable to answer, his friend haughtily says ” Your father doesn’t teach you anything!”. Feynman goes on to say that his father taught him the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something. Its not important to know the name of the bird as long as you know what it eats, what kind of nests it builds, where does it migrate from..

I have tried to apply this principle to my own learning and found that though it is extremely time consuming and hard work but it is hugely rewarding and the kick you get in truly knowing something is unparalleled.

To cite an example of how fragile the bookish knowledge can be, I was looking over quadratic equations in my son’s high school textbook, and right there on the first page was this big, terrifying formulae to derive the 2 roots of a quadratic equation. I had never thought about where this formula comes from, though like any other student I must have solved hundreds of these quadratic equations.

So I searched online for a real math textbook and to my pleasant surprise found the famed Hall & Knight algebra series still in circulation. I had used these books during my engineering entrance days. I decided to buy a bunch of these classics – Higher Algebra, School Geometry,  SL Loney’s Coordinate Geometry and Trigonometry. The Indian editions of these timeless books are priced cheaper than a cup of Cappuccino.

And so I eagerly flipped to the chapter on quadratics and found that before that chapter there was a whole chapter dedicated to the method of solving quadratic equations by completing squares and then they just extended this method and came up with the familiar quadratic roots formula. It was not only rythmic and logical but the understanding felt deep and permanent. In fact while researching this I chanced upon another beautiful proof that an equation of nth degree will have n roots.

This is certainly not the way I had learned in school. My school textbook just magically thew up this formula followed by several types of problems. No one told me to step back and think and understand why this formula worked.

Knowledge is not grades or passing of routine examinations though those are inevitable. It is something that we owe to ourselves. Quoting Feynman again “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.”.